Creating Boundaries that Guard Your Well-Being

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." This profound advice from King Solomon emphasizes the importance of being careful about who and what we allow access to our hearts. The Hebrew word for "guard" in this verse, mišmār, implies an active, vigilant process. This wisdom applies not just to romantic relationships, but to all relationships and interactions in our lives.

1. Your Heart is Extremely Valuable
   We don’t guard worthless things. Your heart is precious and vital to who you are. It deserves protection and care.
2. Your Heart is the Source of Everything You Do
   King Solomon refers to the heart as the “wellspring of life.” It influences your thoughts, words, and actions. A guarded heart ensures that what flows from it is pure and life-giving.
3. Your Heart is Under Constant Attack
   We live in a world where negative influences and harmful interactions can damage our hearts. Recognizing this helps us understand the importance of setting boundaries to protect our emotional and spiritual well-being.

Boundaries are essential in maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your heart. Here’s what I’ve realized: when we allow someone access to us emotionally, physically, financially, or mentally, we need to require them to be responsible with that access. If I give someone level-10 access, but they only have the willingness or capability to demonstrate level-four responsibility, tension in the relationship will exist. Trust will erode, and frustration will increase.

The Importance of Matching Responsibility with Access

Level-10 access requires level-10 responsibility. Setting a boundary means being responsible enough to reduce the access we grant to others based on their ability to handle that access responsibly. In the past, I made the mistake of trying to put boundaries on another person, hoping they would increase their level of responsibility to match the access I had granted them. It never worked.

You can ask someone to demonstrate more responsibility, but you can’t “boundary” them into making changes they aren’t willing to make. So the only productive choice is to put boundaries in place that reduce the level of access you give that person to match their level of responsibility.

The Bible offers profound insights into the importance of guarding our hearts:

• Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
  God’s peace acts as a guard for our hearts and minds when we rely on Him through prayer and thanksgiving.
• Psalm 73:26: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
  Even when we feel weak, God’s strength supports and sustains our hearts.
• Luke 6:45: "The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."
  Our hearts are the source of our actions and words. Guarding them ensures that what we express is good and life-giving.

1. Evaluate Access Levels
   Reflect on the level of access you’ve granted to people in your life. Are they responsible with that access? If not, consider adjusting the level of access to match their responsibility.
2. Communicate Boundaries Clearly
   Have open and honest conversations with those in your life about your boundaries. Explain the importance of protecting your heart and the need for responsible interaction.
3. Seek God’s Peace
   Through prayer, seek the peace of God, which will guard your heart and mind. Trust in His guidance and protection as you navigate your relationships.
4. Stay Alert
   Remember that guarding your heart is an ongoing process. Stay aware of influences and interactions that may harm your heart and take proactive steps to protect it.

By actively guarding our hearts, we can ensure that the wellspring of our lives remains pure and life-giving. We must hold close to the wisdom of Proverbs 4:23 and embrace a life of peace and wholeness in Christ.