One of the challenges many of us faced in the wilderness was people-pleasing. This topic is vast, but today, let's start with the concept of shrinking back. Scripture says in Matthew 5:15, "Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house." This means you are a light that cannot be hidden, so why even try?
In past seasons, many of you may have found yourselves shrinking back. But it's time to ask yourself: why do you shrink? What is it about another person's happiness that forces you to shrink? Are they asking for things you can't or don't want to give, yet you feel obligated? Or are you afraid of losing your ground and feeling invalidated if you don't comply?
As children, we were often taught that disapproval led to consequences, sometimes in the form of punishment or abandonment. This instilled a fear of acting out of our own inner self. As a result, we often seek approval and acceptance from others to avoid the fear of being left alone. Shrinking back happens when we believe we are somehow less than others.
We tend to put others on pedestals, striving to make them happy at the cost of our self-respect. This is a sign of low self-esteem. We don't love ourselves enough to see others as equals. This need to make others happy stems from our insecurity and fear of losing them. We overvalue their opinions, believing we cannot survive without them.
But it's time to know your value and walk it out in your daily life. Be as good as you really are. This will make insecure people uncomfortable but will inspire those who want to improve themselves. It takes courage. You will have enemies, and some people will not like you, but you will be respected.
Express yourself fully around others and speak your mind. Change the narrative in your head. Stop reassuring others so much. Save it for the times and people where you feel it’s truly necessary and equally expressed. This may be hard for very empathetic people. Save your empathy for those who deserve it and would do the same for you.
To stop shrinking yourself to make others happy, consider these steps:
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Identify Your Authentic Needs and Values: Reflect on what is truly important to you, not just what you think others want from you. Make a conscious effort to honor your own needs.
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Set Healthy Boundaries: Learn to say "no" gracefully when requests conflict with your boundaries. Politely decline things that don't align with your priorities.
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Cultivate Self-Acceptance: Work on building your self-esteem and confidence. Remind yourself that you are worthy and deserving, regardless of others' expectations.
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Communicate Your Needs Assertively: Express your thoughts and feelings openly, while still being considerate of others. Explain how certain behaviors or requests make you feel.
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Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Spend time with individuals who appreciate you for who you are and don’t try to change you. Distance yourself from those who pressure you to be someone you’re not.
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Focus on Self-Care: Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Engage in hobbies and interests that are meaningful to you.
The key is to gradually build the courage to live authentically, even if it means going against the grain at times. It takes practice, but prioritizing your own needs will allow you to show up more fully in your relationships. You are a light—let it shine brightly for all to see.